Why can’t I do anything?
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Dear James
Unless there is money attached or there is a truly important deadline. (The wedding is approaching, the house sale is coming, the van is on the way.) It seems like I will never finish what I started. I have many unfinished projects. The sweater I knit just needs to have buttons on it. I started cleaning out the drawers by pulling everything out. And now the contents of the drawer are still in the bag, waiting to be sorted.
My husband of 10 years pointed this all out to me yesterday. (As if I didn’t know this about myself) as his frustration grew with the expectation that guests would arrive next week. My answer was to start cleaning—our mud room. my studio (which he didn’t care about himself) and the inside of the cabinet in our laundry room. Where I emptied the contents of the cabinet into the area my husband had just vacuumed.
I rarely miss work deadlines. As I said If you pay me I’ll deliver it, but at home I can’t seem to get any work done, at least not until everyone’s gone to bed.
I cannot be the only human being who acts like this. What’s wrong with me?
Dear readers
The other day I was talking with a sculptor—a man I had just met. Even though finding out that we both are Meshukah Fans immediately filled us with deep sympathy. When metalhead meets metalhead A first understanding blossomed: acceptance of our shared nature. Brotherhood with many petals
Anyway, he told me once a week. In the name of art, he took a few of his boyfriend’s ADHD pills. Then he will have the most productive and wonderful days. He flows through it. Power works smoothly. Work is good, ideas come; He doesn’t want to stop. There is no jerking or distortion. Sleek productivity, pure silver color The full moon is a divine state.
And after that it didn’t come down again. no hangover Doesn’t that sound beautiful? Doesn’t that sound good? Enviable–
Not that I’m suggesting you have ADHD. But this is how I felt when I read your letter. And when I consider my own daily hardships A great and violent reluctance seemed to stand between me and doing anything. I wonder if an ADHD diagnosis will happen. my way. The important point is I tend to like my dreamy, last-minute brain, and in 10 years ADHD will be called something else. and finally I finished the job. same as you There were a few neurobiological leaks along the way, though.
Maybe you respect good work. Your husband’s things are a little more dust-free. Maybe I say that just because I’m a guy. Maybe the right pill can fix everything. Or not. But it has been known to happen.
Me, I am a mess of a human being. Already beyond the point of making sense, sit back, sit down, with your gaping cabinets and your rebellious buttons. Marvel at the power of entropy. Have fun.
From all the volcanoes
James
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