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myou are father-in-lawwith whom I am close Spending a lot of time on the same working-class streets of Barcelona’s El Clot district, he was born in 1929 and saw Spain’s bloody civil war unfold on his doorstep. His family experienced a lot of suffering. Some died, others were imprisoned for years or forced into exile. He himself spent a year in a refugee camp. It was an experience that would affect him for the rest of his life. Every time he wanted to talk about society or culture. He usually begins with: “Okay, during the Civil War…”
One evening, a few months before his death, He read an article about my suffering in his local newspaper. “You have a lot of complicated theories,” he told me, “but the real reason people are unhappy is very simple.” I asked him to elaborate. “They don’t like dinner,” he replied. I asked him what he meant. “During the civil war We were always hungry,” he says, “but once a year—Christmas—we got to eat whatever we wanted. And we are so happy that today people snack all day long, never hungry, never enjoying their dinner. and not happy Even at Christmas.”
That is certainly a somewhat reductive assumption about global suffering. But he is not wrong in his main argument: Happiness increases paradoxically. When you don’t get what you want Whenever you need it But well-being requires you to discipline your intentions and postpone gratification. Understanding this and taking steps to change your habits can make you happier.
Ibehavioral scienceThe most famous study of postponed gratification is the so-called marshmallow experiment. Conducted in the 1970s by psychologists Walter Mischel and Ebb B. Ebbesen, this research project Thirty-two young children were brought into the lab. They received animal crackers or pretzel sticks. (Marshmallow was only an option later in the experiment.) However, before they were allowed to eat the treat, The researchers proposed an upgrade: If children could wait 15 minutes on their own without snacking, They will receive a second piece of candy. All children accepted the agreement. And the researcher left the room and observed each child through a single mirror. Ten subjects successfully waited and received additional snacks. Twenty-two of them complied with their wishes and devoured all the snacks within 15 minutes.
Mischel and his colleagues were interested in the long-term differences between children who were able to postpone their gratification and those who were not, so they followed the participants as they got older. In papers published decades later, psychologists meet that the two groups differed greatly. For example, those who waited to take the SAT had significantly higher scores than those who I’m not waiting. Drug use is more common among teenagers and they are less educated. The researchers’ conclusion is clear: The ability to postpone gratification leads to a more successful and, ultimately, more satisfying life.
The same goes for a lot of research in the behavioral sciences. These conclusions were later contested by scholars using larger and more diverse samples of children. and various methods that carefully controls for family background and cognitive ability. For example, one 2018 study summarize The ability to delay gratification has little impact on educational outcomes. and was not significant in predicting antisocial behavior. These updated findings, though, suggest that outright denial of desire may not be a panacea. But newer research shows that the ability to postpone gratification has consistently produced one important boost: well-being. For example, academics wrote in 2014 in personality journal show People with a high level of self-control have significantly better moods and life satisfaction than those who lack self-discipline.
One practical example of this happiness effect concerns material values and the way people spend their money. As I’ve written before, borrowing money (for discretionary consumption) reduces happiness. While saving will make you happier. As you might guess from the finding that people who see money as a symbol of success are often savers who like to delay gratification. In contrast, two psychologists show In a 2017 study, people who viewed money as a measure of success were more likely to spend money. When they have money They tend to use it right away to buy things. Because they identify having possessions as a source of happiness. Researchers found that these people were less happy than people who did not behave this way.
To what extent this ability to postpone gratification is natural or controlled by nurture is unclear. But what we do know—because neuroscientists have shown it—is that People who postpone happiness show different brain activity when faced with temptation from those who want it. Receive their cheerfulness immediately. One study from 2011 show that people who were good at delaying their release had more activity in their prefrontal cortex. (indicating an executive decision) when doing so than people who are more easily acquiesced to their wishes This, in turn, has more activity in the striatum (a region that processes rewards). Guidance has also been studied in laboratory animals. show Methods in which rats are taught to delay rewards produce a smoother, more controlled dopamine release than rats that do not have this skill.
gEven though the evidence Combined with the long-term effects of the marshmallow test. Being able to postpone satisfaction has clear benefits for well-being. Although some may be better off postponing the award. But we can postpone it too. thin evidence that can inculcate skills from an early age If this is what you can do. Here are two ways to get started. It may seem contradictory. But when done right They complement each other.
1. Think about the future.
A research-proven way to improve your capacity for deferred gratification is to imagine yourself in the future. In 2011, a team of researchers interested in how to stimulate savings behavior by It uses digital aging and virtual reality techniques to allow people to interact with elderly versions of themselves. meet After doing that The participants were more willing than others. to receive the money prize in the future instead of immediately
You can use these findings in creative ways. For example, if you’re craving junk carbs at 4 p.m., talk to yourself at 6 p.m. People who have given up snacks and are hungry for a healthy dinner. Or let’s say you’re in college and have a big exam tomorrow but just got invited to a party: Talk to your unhappy future that you took the exam after the party instead of studying.
2. Don’t think about the future.
On the contrary The second technique for delaying gratification is stop Thinking about the future in a mindful, purposeful manner. Practice paying attention to the present without judgment. Academics in 2018 carry out An experiment in which a group of participants were asked to complete a survey on their willingness to postpone a reward. Half of the group then received breathing exercises. while the other half (Control group) watched the music video. After that, when both groups took another survey. Mindfulness practitioners were significantly more likely to postpone reward than before. (while music video viewers remain unchanged)
Despite first impression otherwise But this second result doesn’t contradict the first finding: The conclusion is that being more mindful when you make decisions will lead you to optimize your choices. So you can put the two commands together and combine them to get the best results: Think clearly about what you are doing right now. Then think clearly about how you will reflect on your actions later.
So before you buy that sweater Think about how you feel right now. You really need this sweater. Or are you just pampering yourself with some therapy? Next, imagine yourself looking at sweaters two months from now. Does it make you happy or remind you that you need to pay by credit card?
myou are father-in-law It’s right that delayed gratification is happier. The good news is, you don’t have to be in the middle of a civil war to make this a skill worth practicing. But I’ve always wondered if he was right in his specific example: Does snacking impair well-being by destroying the enjoyment of a proper meal? I couldn’t find any studies. About this precise curiosity So I had to analyze some relevant research findings to come up with a convincing answer.
Researchers who are studying children’s eating habits Reported In 2017 in Journal of Nutrition and Behavioral Studies Children enjoy food more when they follow a structured meal plan, such as eating at the same time each day. and eating family style They also tend to be less fussy about what they eat. This broadly supports my father-in-law’s theory. And of course I never saw him eat any candy.
However, what I saw was that he was extremely unwilling to save money. and negligence regarding spending And this negative example supports his theory even more. Even if it’s in a sad way. This is because he is constantly evading creditors and struggling to meet his basic needs in old age. Perhaps his inability to save was a result of his poverty-stricken childhood in the 1930s. If you don’t know if you have enough money to get you through the month, Why save the money you have now? Even though he suffers from being frugal with his money, But I also learned a valuable lesson from his example in this regard.
So my seasonal advice: Go eat your holiday dinner and come hungry. But don’t buy holiday celebrations on credit.
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